I recently wrote about how my job was being converted to a full-time, federal position (a process that was years in the making!). I decided not to apply, which might have meant that I’d be out of a job in October. The new hire is coming on board to do the job I’m doing now, so there was no guarantee they’d keep me around. Surprisingly, I haven’t had any angst or regret since making that decision (even when both my parents and my kids freaked out and told me I was crazy). Five years ago, I probably never would have made that decision, and if I had, I probably would have spent a lot of time agonizing over the what-ifs and what my future was going to look like. How awesome was it to just make the decision and let it go?! Truthfully, I haven’t given it a second thought. It’s the future and I’m living in the present. If the job goes away, I believe I’ll find another one.
Two days after this decision, my boss came to let me know that she had ‘found’ money for me. I needed to figure out when my current contract money would run out, and how many hours a week I wanted to work after that. I would be giving up my project management and administrative responsibilities, so my new contract would only be for creative work. So let me recap: I can work the hours I want, get paid for it, and do highly creative and engaging work! I got exactly what I wanted, and didn’t waste any time worrying about it. Yes, please!! I am so grateful.
I do find my mind going to the what-ifs now (what if the contract is only for six months? what if the new hire is so great, they find they don’t need me?)…But when I find those thoughts coming in, I try to see them as a sign that I am not grounded, and do something to center myself instead of letting the thoughts consume me. It’s not easy, but such a sign of my progress that I’m aware of those thoughts in the first place.