Today my boss let me know that my position was being converted into a full-time, federal position, and the job would be posted shortly. She ‘encouraged me to apply’. While she couldn’t guarantee that I could get the spot (of course), I have done well in the role and had an excellent chance. From what I’ve seen, ‘full-time, federal’ positions are like the Golden Tickets in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There aren’t many, and the people who get them hold onto them forever. Our Director recently handed out some fifty-year pins!
So it was probably as much a shock to her as to me when I turned down the opportunity to apply. My ego wants to apply for this job. This is a nationally-recognized institution! My upbringing makes it difficult not to apply. In fact, it seems insane. I have a great shot at financial security and stability and I’m not even going to try? No.
And you know what? It feels 100% right. I haven’t had a moment of regret. I am putting my trust in the universe that when I’m ready for full-time work, I’ll find it. Right now, with our family just coming back into balance, it’s really important that I continue to work part-time. Even in the last few weeks, I’ve worked full-time hours – and it’s amazing how quickly things start to fall apart. I stop exercising. I get angry at my husband. I guess the craziest part of this decision is that I know financing is tight in our department, and so when they bring on the new hire – it is not certain at all that they will still have money for me. In other words, I’m not just turning down a full-time job, I could be leaving a really wonderful part-time job. It’s still the right thing for us right now.